All over again

It is probably not a shock that my husband is a hunter/outdoors-man. This past weekend was opening day of gun season. Brad prefers to hunt with a bow but this is his favorite season. He left on Wednesday and at that time we were still in our two week waiting period after our first IUI. On Thursday the wait was over, two negative pregnancy test and a visit from aunt Flo confirmed my greatest fears. We were not pregnant.

I thought for sure I would lose faith, I thought I would break down.. I thought wrong.

I drove to the farm Friday afternoon to meet my husband so I could see him. I had already planned to come down on Saturday, but I needed him. I had an hour drive until I was in his arms. I thought about all the reasons I could be upset but none of them stuck. I talked to my mom and I was OK. I hadn't broken down yet. I knew it was coming but when would I feel it? I finally arrived at the farm and decided to go out hunting with him that evening so we could have some alone time.

We hadn't spoken a word about it until we reached the tree stand. I climbed up and sat down across from him. I looked at the man I married. We whispered to each other how upset we were over not being pregnant when we felt so strongly God was telling us to move forward, and that's when it hit me. God is telling us to move forward but he wanted me to have something else first.

When Brad is hunting, he is in his element. He was sure of what he was doing and in that moment I feel in love with my husband all over again. I hadn't looked at him or had those types of feelings in a long time. We have been together for 5 years, and in those years our relationship has gotten very comfortable. I think that just goes with marriage. So here am I sitting across from the most handsome man I have ever seen and thinking how lucky I am to have him as my husband. I think God wanted to draw me closer to my husband. Over the last 2 and half years we've had some really trying times and it's not been easy to find romance in our relationship. Everything was scheduled, most conversations included the agenda for baby making of the month. I was exhausted.

I have not shed a tear for the failed IUI this month, but instead I have more hope and more love in my heart. God did send me a message, it just was not in the order I thought it would be. Brad and I have decided to change doctors so that we can get a second opinion about whats going on with our situation, but we will not go in for that appointment until January. Until then, we're going to enjoy each other's company, have date nights and put the passion back in our marriage all over again.