My hunting, fishing outdoors man husband who never sheds a tear

I came home on Wednesday and I couldn't have been more happy to see my husband! We play volleyball on Thursday nights. So the next day I was getting ready for volleyball when I couldn't find my white sports bra. All my clothes are kept in the "red room". The red room is the room directly next to ours and we painted it red.

Brad decided before I left on Saturday that he wanted me to go thru some of my old clothes to get rid of them. He wanted to "clean out" that room. So we moved most of my clothes to our bedroom. So here I am, looking for my sports bra and I cannot find it. I holler out "Have you seen my white sports bra?!?". I hear laughing. Laughing? Why is he laughing at me? He tells me he has not seen it and continues to laugh. I am SO confused at this point. I walk in the living room where he is and I ask him what is so funny. He tells me he has a case of the giggles....my husband has a case of the giggles. My hunting, fishing outdoors man who never sheds a tear has a case of the giggles? I think not.

I am getting frustrated when he tells me, why don't you go look in the red room to see if you can find it. Ok, I thought, that makes sense. I open the door and I find that my hunting, fishing outdoors man husband who never sheds a tear has turned the red room into a nursery. Tears fill my eyes as I cannot believe what I am looking at. White chair rail, light lilac painted walls. He made a baby girl nursery. And as happy as I was I also knew this meant he truly believed that this was the time it was going to work, this was going to be our month. Panic set in for me. What if this is not our month? How am I going to tell him? I can deal with my own pain, but when it comes to him, I never want to see him hurting.

We decided not to take a test until day 31. That was my longest cycle day in the past 6 months so we figured that was a safe bet. On cd 31 at 6:00 p.m the pregnancy test read "Not Pregnant" and I found myself apologizing to my husband for not being pregnant. Telling him this wasn't his fault, it was mine. We hugged each other and I decided to go about my normal routine of bowling that night. As soon as I got to the bowling alley, aunt Flo paid me a visit.

When I got home I found a card on my pillow. Inside the card were the words of my husband letting me know this is not MY fault, and were in this together. it's a WE thing not a ME thing. Even with his sweet words, it doesn't feel like a WE thing. Its hard knowing you're body is the cause.

So we move on. This month will be a break month for us due to some timing issues. I'm trying to focus on God this month and trying to heal my heart. Its very broken. I went to church for the first time in over a year on Sunday and it felt really good.

to be continued.

Too much going on

On February 20th I went in for my second IUI, my first with this new Dr. I had given myself injections the prior days to help my follicles grow. I had two good sized follicles on my right side and one small one on my left. Because I was set to fly out to Washington, D.C for a work trip, I had to have my IUI done a day earlier than the Dr. preferred but she still thought it would be OK.

Needless to say the next couple days were VERY stressful due to the snow/ice storm. due to many cancelled flights and delays I ended up flying from Louisville, KY to Tampa, Fl at 1:30 p.m. I sat in the Tampa airport until 9:30 p.m. We were almost to Baltimore when the pilot came on over the intercom and informed us that the Baltimore airport has been closed due to the storms and we would need to land in Norfolk, VA. By this time is close to 11:30 p.m. They never let us off the airplane and about 30 minutes later, Baltimore opened back up and in the air we went...AGAIN. Finally we landed in Baltimore around midnight and we had about an hour and half drive to D.C. Thankfully i was with a group the whole time and we had a charter bus driving us. We all slept on the bus on the way to D.C.

Part of my job is assisting our event coordinator, with all the bad weather and cancellations, it made this trip very stressful. All I could think about was "I hope my stress level doesn't affect my chances for pregnancy". Most people do not understand the pressure and stress struggling with infertility causes. Your hormones and emotions are all over the place, so adding this additional stress was terrifying. The week passed and I came home on that Wednesday.....

more to follow