Wednesday, May 20, 2015

It was then that I carried you

Waiting...That's what I'm doing. Just waiting. No news, no feelings of excitement, no feelings of doubt. I keep thinking if I were pregnant I should feel something, and I don't. But I guess that doesn't always mean I'm not pregnant. I'm trying this time to not stress about it and just let the days go by without worrying.

I do have some news but not my own, I recently wrote about the pregnancy announcement from my brother and sister in law. I received a phone call last week that they had lost the baby. I was speechless. I can't imagine the pain they are going thru. I also can't put into words the sorrow that surrounds this tragedy.  If you all could keep them in your prayers, that would be truly appreciated!

I didn't have the right words to say, I didn't have many words to say really. I tried to think of something that would help my family, and in doing that I also found something that helped me. I was reminded of the prayer "footprints in the sand".

"One night I had a dream...

I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord, and Across the sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; One belonged to me, and the other to the Lord. When the last scene of my life flashed before us, I looked back at the footprints in the sand. I noticed that many times along the path of my life, There was only one set of footprints.

I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in my life This really bothered me, and I questioned the Lord about it. "Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, You would walk with me all the way; But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, There is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why in times when I needed you the most, you should leave me.

The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child. I love you, and I would never, never leave you during your times of trial and suffering. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you."

We may not see it now, but the Lord is carrying us. And I can at least take comfort in that.

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Long time no post

Well, I've been absent from blogging lately. I just am not sure what to say right now. I'm in another two week wait, my doctor went out of town last week so I was not able to have an IUI this month and I'm pretty bummed. I'm trying to stay positive the "old fashioned way" will do the trick. Mother's Day was Sunday and last year was REALLY hard on me. I cried the entire time and had to walk out, because I had an ugly cry going on. It really wasn't pretty. This year, I sat and watched the videos depicting what a mother looks like and what it feels like to be a mother. As I sat there feeling a lump in my throat, my mom reached over and rubbed my knee. She knew it wasn't easy for me to watch that and for some reason this year I did not cry.

I have been having some feelings of what I call rage lately. Every little thing gets on my nerves, and I guess its the Clomid. Although I never once felt depression like I did the last time I was on Clomid. I'm trying to keep it in check, but boy its hard! And the hot flashes! Let me say that again, THE HOT FLASHES are overwhelmingly hot! So that's my update... Stay posted