But I get up again

Today I can't help but hear this song in my head:

Chumbawamba 

"Tubthumping"

I get knocked down, But I get up again
You're never gonna keep me down

I get knocked down
But I get up again
You're never gonna keep me down

Yep that's how I'm feeling. This week has been an emotional roller coaster. I tried to explain to my in-laws why we weren't coming down to visit with family this weekend, but I feel I failed at that. I am always worried if someone is mad at me, or if I've offended someone. I tried. I really tried to keep their feelings in mind when I told them this weekend probably wouldn't be best to visit (even though it was kind of planned). But no matter how hard I try, this situation is hard on everyone. So instead of focusing on how hard things are, I'm going to really try to focus on getting back up and moving forward. It wasn't that long ago I thought Teddy Bridgewater was talking to me, where did that confidence go? It's a vicious cycle of building myself up to have hope to then just get knocked back down. 

I'm starting to believe that only people who are going thru or have been thru infertility will every truly understand what it feels like to hear someone else is pregnant and you're not. You feel sorrow and pain for your self, then you feel sorrow because they deserve a happy embrace but I struggle to show it. Then you agonize over making sure they know you love them. Next you feel guilt for even hurting, you try to tell yourself that your selfish and you shouldn't feel this way, but you just can't help it. I feel alone but I keep telling myself I'm not. 

I feel so bad that one sentence can flat knock me off my feet. Will I ever get stronger? I am not sure. I do not have that answer but I do know that no matter how many times I get knocked down, I will get back up again. 

Weight Watchers update: I lost another 1.8 lbs this week, so that's a plus!